Monday, September 7, 2015

How a new bed leads to total renovation

Most people, when they need a new bed, they just go out and buy a new bed. The process is done once the bed is delivered and setup.

That's not us.

No, see. When we decide to get a new bed, it winds up being a total renovation of half the rooms in our house. How does this happen? Let me walk you through the process. I'll give you a hint: it starts with Pinterest.

  1. Buy new mattress and box springs. Opt to go from the current Queen size to a King so you have more room in bed. (This? This is where the trouble began.)
  2. Decide to move current bed to office, including the beautiful head/footboard you just bought a year ago.
  3. Move office bed to the girls' room to replace the mattress on the floor that one of them has been sleeping on for almost a year.
  4. Decide that since the office is sans bed and it's mostly empty, you should paint it as you've talked about doing for ten years when you moved in to the house.
  5. Realize that your bedroom with its brand new bed on the way also needs a fresh coat of paint. Again, because you've talked about it for ten years and it's high time you get it done.
  6. Since you're painting the bedroom, you should probably buy a new bed so the fresh walls don't get dirty without a headboard behind it.
  7. "Man, king-sized beds are expensive! Let's build a headboard instead!" Begin pricing building materials and realize that you're saving a small fortune by making it yourself.
  8. "You know, if we're not spending all that money on a bed, we can put the new flooring in the office. I mean, it'll be empty. We might as well." You know, because you've been talking about yanking up that gross, dingy carpet for years.
  9. "If we're buying the flooring for the office, we probably should do the bedroom hallway. Oh, and we should also redo the bathroom so it matches the rest of the floors." By the way, this endeavor includes the kitchen, laundry room and master bath. "Even if we don't have the energy to do it all at once, at least we'll have the flooring so we can tackle it when we are able to and won't have to track down matching flooring."
  10. "Awesome! Let's get started!"
  11. Start moving things in office. Realize the fish tank has ruined part of the wall because the filter spilled over the back of the tank.
  12. Spend the afternoon peeling wet drywall and make a note to look up "patching torn drywall" on YouTube later.
  13. Begin tearing up carpet and padding in office and hallway.
  14. Realize there is a plumbing leak in the wall between the office and bathroom that has ruined part of the subfloor.
  15. Shit. "Well, so much for getting all the flooring at once. We've got to throw some money at this repair now. Guess we'll get enough flooring to just do the office, hallway, and bathroom." Note to self: save the packaging and purchase information so we can match the rest of the flooring later.
  16. Let the teenagers tear up the carpet tack strips and staples from the padding while you look up cost of new plumbing parts, drywall spackle, and subfloor pieces. Be grateful the teenagers are powerhouse workhorses who aren't afraid of hard work. Remember to feed said workhorses later.
  17. Have a meltdown.
  18. Curse the bastards on Pinterest.
  19. Be grateful the bastards on Pinterest posted links to fix the stuff that needs to be fixed.
  20. Dry your eyes and realize this is TOTALLY doable and could have been a LOT worse.
  21. Realize that the wall repair you've been intending to do in the master bathroom can be done now that you know how to patch the torn drywall. Go crazy chipping away the warped paint from the water damage in said bathroom.
  22.  Get excited that yes, your house is total disaster, but hey, you get a new bed delivered Friday and you're gonna sleep like a baby...eventually.

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