Sunday, February 12, 2012

This is not okay.

Go ahead. Click the link. I'll wait.

That's only twenty-five reactions that were captured on Twitter during the Grammy's. If there were 25, there were probably 250. 2,500. 25,000? Even one is too many.

Really, ladies? You'd let Chris Brown do THIS to you??

Ladies, ladies, ladies.

I'm honestly not even sure where to begin with this because I don't know when you began believing that physical abuse is an acceptable form of affection.

Were you abused as a child? Did you witness it? Did you see your mother get hit?

These are my parents. They look happy, don't they? My mother loved my father til the day she died.

Despite his alcoholism and physical abuse.

I was only six months old when she kicked him out of our home and told him to never come back. He didn't. I spent many years being upset with my mother because I never got the chance to know my father. I am an adult and I realize that my father as a whole was not the abuse he administered, but it was a large part of my family's history. She protected me by asking him to leave. I don't know what he could have done....would have done, if given the chance. She also protected me by never falling prey to an abusive man again.

I, too, was in an emotionally abusive relationship. There were two instances when he got physical with me. One involved a car and a barely-frozen lake. The other involved his hands. Both instances shook me to my core.

Do I seem like a victim to you? Do I seem like a person who would put up with anyone's crap?

Well, I was. I'm not saying I didn't say things and do things that pissed him off. I most definitely did. But even in all of the backtalk and arguing I handed him, NEVER did I deserve to be hit. Nobody does.


Hitting is NOT okay. Namecalling is NOT okay. Backhanded compliments are NOT okay. Punching the hell out of your girlfriend because she called you out for being a cheating piece of shit is NOT okay!

This? is NOT okay.

My best friend spent fifteen years with a man who verbally beat her down, insulted her appearance, intelligence, talent and spirit every chance he got. When he decided to get stupid one night and take things a little too far, she called the cops and they escorted him out of their home. She's one of the lucky ones. Her mother wasn't so lucky. Her mother was beaten, raped and murdered by her abusive boyfriend.

Do I need to say it again?

This is NOT okay! EVER!

Ladies, the only way you can have any ounce of self-respect (or teach your daughters how to have some) is to refuse to be treated badly. Don't stand for behavior that doesn't make you feel good about yourself or about him. If you cry more than you smile, GET OUT.

Because this? 

is not okay.


  1. I completely agree with you Mel. I have this conversation with my daughter often. The girls at her school are smitten with Chris Brown and would tolerate anything to be next to him. I work hard to explain that our media shirks all sense of social responsibility by deifying abusers, adulterers, criminals, addicts and men who abandon their children. When Chris Brown comes up, I tell her he's a gorgeous and talented performer who beat up someone he claimed to love. I stress the importance of never separating a behavior from the person - when they show you who they are believe them (at least until they clearly convince you otherwise, that usually takes years of effort & and is very unlikely so long as the money and fame flow).

    It's an uphill battle. When my daughter marvels at Tiger and Kobe, I say they are tremendous athletes who cheated on their wives. Charlie Sheen, the ultimate winner, is so much more than a talented actor and star in my house. Kim Kardashian, a pretty woman who appeared in a sex tape, is extraordinarily materialistic, has no grasp of what marriage means and is an example of everything my daughter should endeavor not to be.

    As a mother I am disappointed and exhausted. America is force-fed a constant river of stars who represent everything destructive. It's a full time job to explain it all.

    These tweets break my heart.

    1. EXACTLY! Cynthia, I couldn't have said this better myself.

      I give credit where it's due. These people are infinitely talented, however, their talent doesn't diminish who they are as human beings. Hold ALL parts of them responsible, not just the side you don't see in front of the cameras.