Friday, October 28, 2011

Reality Check

I was told last night that I am that person.

I fooled myself into thinking I was the positive influence in people's lives. That I brought humor and fun and entertainment into the mix and that my sarcasm wasn't mean and my snark wasn't hurtful. That my silliness and mockery wasn't racist or rude. 

Boy, was I wrong.

I've taken everything people said to me last night to heart. I looked back in my timelines, at the interactions between myself and my friends, conversations I've had with loved ones and the 'advice' I've so carelessly shoved down people's throats, whether they've wanted it or not. 

I make no excuses for my behavior - there aren't any. I will say, however, that my intentions have never been to be mean or offensive. I wish only to entertain with my sarcasm and snark and to protect those I love with my advice and suggestions. I will also say that I can't help how people take me. Because even when I say the most benign thing, it can be (and will be) (and has been) taken wrong. I can only state that I am a work in progress. Always.

I will try and be less judgmental and keep my advice to myself unless it's asked for. To change more than that would make me someone different from who I am. I may be opinionated and stubborn, but I'm also funny. And loving. And I have the best intentions at heart.

It's your choice whether I stay in your life or not. I won't make that choice for you, nobody should. But I hope if you stay that you'll accept me, flaws and all and for those times when I do offend you or cross a line that you'll have the courage to come to me privately and say "Tone it down, honey. You're being that girl again." I'd do the same for you. 

It's what friends do.


  1. My first inclination here is to rush to your defense. And to ask, just how many people talked to you about this? And then to ask, just how well do these people really know you? Do you really, in your heart of hearts, believe that this is true? If so, okay. If not, think again, and at some point ask yourself, what was the motivation behind this?

  2. I love you. Flaws and all and am thankful we are perfectly imperfect together.

  3. Thank you, Jo, but these people have known me for 10, 20 and 30+ years. I'm not hurt by what they said. I'm hurt that I had to drag it out of them in order to be told.