My lost sister

It's 4:30 a.m. I found out a little more than an hour ago that my sister Mary Lee was killed early Friday morning. There's speculation (and with it come the judgments) as to what happened. I am going to try to be free of judgment (a true test for me...one of the most critical people I know) and state what I know for fact:

1. A sister I never got to meet face to face is dead.

2. The man arrested for her murder is my nephew John, who served two tours in Iraq and suffered from a severe case of PTSD.

I can beg for knowledge and wisdom and answers from everyone all the way from the firemen to God himself and I will never understand what happened or why. I guess it's not meant for me to understand. I can hope that my sister wasn't in pain in the last moments of her life. I can hope that my nephew wasn't at all responsible for what happened to his mother. But hope doesn't change the facts: my sister is dead and my nephew was arrested for the crime.

I have my own share of regrets and visions of how my relationship with my sister should have gone. So my pain here is different from what most of her family is dealing with. While I appreciate the prayers and condolences, please don't forget her children...her grandchildren...but most of all, please don't leave out John. I can't begin to fathom what demons he's dealt with that could've led to these tragic events between him and my sister. I've got a support team a mile wide and while it will be difficult, I'm emotionally equipped to deal with my grief and the pain I feel right now -- he's alone. He's probably scared. And he's got pain deeper than anyone can possibly imagine.

A month ago, my sister's Facebook status read:

I am sitting in a very small room waiting for John to be discharged from the VA hospital. He has an extensive treatment plan with a lot of therapy for PTSD. They believe they have the medication correct. I hope and pray that we can get him the help he needs. he is almost 29 and has been to iraq twice and has been through more than I could ever comprehend. my son means the world to me and I pray he can finally find inner peace. Thank you for your continued prayers....and if you have any advice for me...i welcome it.

And this, posted just a week ago:

I am struggling about how to help my son with PTSD, as a mother I just want to make everything okay for him. It breaks my heart that I can't fix this for him. He is getting help through the VA, but it doesn't seem to be enough. I pray for him every day but nothing seems to quiet the flashbacks that he is experiencing on a daily basis.

No matter whatever Hell my sister endured before she died, I know that she wanted peace for her son. Mary's at peace now. I have to focus my prayers on John's peace. I ask that you do, too.

Thanks.

(For those who don't know the story behind my relationship with Mary Lee: Lost Sisters )