If you follow me on Twitter, you probably already know that I hang with some pretty funny peeps. But since many of you don't follow me, let me give you some examples.
(Friend's name has been changed to protect the privacy of her hoohah)
My phone rings.
Julie: (right out of the chute) You know how sometimes you have specific friends who are there to answer specific questions?
Julie: You're That Friend right now.
Me: Um. Okay. (Thinking, "This must have something to do with sex.")
Julie: So I'm thinking about getting my hoohah waxed.
Me: Uh... (Toldja.)
Julie: I figured you've done it, so I thought I'd ask you what you think about it.
Me: First? Not sure why you'd automatically assume I've done that.
Julie: Well, have you?
Me: Yes. Well, sort of. But that's not the point.
Julie: See? I came to the right person. So...what do you think?
Me: *digressing* I think it's the most painful thing you can possibly imagine and God himself would have to issue it as a commandment for me to go through with it.
Julie: So you'll go with me and we can get them done together?
Me: Oh, totally.
(A discussion with my bestie in regards to a psychic reading she recently had done and referencing one of the ghosts who frequently camp out at my house - that ghost being her mother)
AM: (paraphrasing) So the reading I got back from Jess says my spirit guide is a loud-mouthed Portuguese woman who won't leave her alone.
Me: It isn't me. I swear. Although...that would explain a lot.
AM: Right? She says it's a great-great-great-howevermanygreats grandmother of mine.
Me: Huh. That's interesting.
AM: Well, I could be Portuguese, I suppose. I don't know anything about my mother's side of the family.
Me: true. I could see that.
AM: I wonder if it's my great (x20) gma that talks to you.
Me: Yes. Because I'm totally unaware of the difference between a Portuguese accent and a Filipino one. #Gibbsslap
AM: Ow! I didn't know it was distinct, dude!
Midget: (On a note taped to my office door) Wake me up when you get home. I have some great news!
Me: Psst...(waking her up) What's up?
Midget: (sleepily) D___ and I are going out.
Me: That's great news! Congratulations!
Midget: Thanks! (beaming smile)
Me: He knows he has to meet us, right?
Midget: Yeah. He's nervous, though.
Me: As he should be.
Midget: Dad won't be cleaning his gun, will he?
Me: You can count on it.
Midget: That's what I was afraid of.
There's never a dull moment at our house. Ever. Conversations like these take place on a constant basis with everyone we know. Some topics are a bit more private, so I can't/won't share them, but trust me when I tell you, these are the milder of the funniest convos I've been a part of this week.
And while I'm thinking about it...if you wouldn't mind signing this "Hold Harmless" agreement...that'd be super! Thanks!