Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Goodbye, I guess

I am an emotional person. Anyone who's read more than one of my tweets or blogs can testify to this. I also have a tendency sometimes to say the first thing that comes to mind and then scramble to fix the aftermath from the verbal bomb later. What you may not know, however, is that I'm loyal to my friends. I'm sharp-tongued, but I would never hurt someone intentionally.

So when my words do that, I need to be told. Sometimes I will stand by what I've said, but offer an explanation as to why. And sometimes I'm apologetic because I was completely unaware that I was hurtful.

But I can't do either of those things if I don't know what it is that I've done.

I recently lost a friend over something. Because she won't talk to me (or any mutual friends) about the situation, I'm left wondering why. I've tried talking to her. She won't discuss it. I thought if I gave her time to think about it and/or cool down that we could talk about it without emotion taking over. It's been two months now. I tried again this week to talk to her. She refuses.

So I'm letting go. I can't fix it. I've tried. The ball is in her court. She apparently doesn't want to play ball. Her choice and I respect that.

My issue now? Figuring out if I need to change who I am so I don't lose more friends or just remain who I am and hope for the best. I realize I can be perceived as a crusty bitch, but I have feelings and weaknesses and insecurities, too. This sucks.

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