Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Dog snobs

Dog snobs piss me off.

People who search and search for that ever-ellusive "perfect" breed. Some are lab lovers, others are rott-collectors. It may be dobermans, danes, huskies, shepherds or chihuahuas. Whatever their preference is....let me say to these dog snobs: You're fucking stupid.

Yep. I said it. It's out there. You heard me.

You pour over the want ads and kennel club websites searching for that PERRRRRRRRFECT dog. You've got it in your mind that whatever breed it is you're looking for is the end-all, be-all of dogs (despite that many of those dogs are generations worth of inbreeding). They're perfectly house-trained, perfectly behaved around children, perfectly this, perfectly that.

Were you dropped on your head?

I mean seriously.

The ones that absolutely make me the craziest are the ones who look and look and look for that dog...they finally find it...then have the audacity to bitch and complain about the vet expenses that come with this dog. You fucking baffle me. Seriously.

Let me just get this straight...

You've spend anywhere from $250-1000 for a dog. An animal, I might remind you, that eats cat shit when you're not looking. It drinks from a giant ceramic bowl where you PEE. But you've spent all this you drop a half a K on a dog.

Now, you've got to get it neutered or spayed (unless you're the KING of the dog snobs and plan on breeding're nothing but an enabler to other dog snobs. You all deserve each other.) and get all its vaccines, shots and dewormings. The sterilization is easily $150. The shots & all that, at the cheapest, another $250. So you're into this animal for $900. (NINE HUNDRED dollars.....NIIIIIIINE HUUUUUUUUUUNDRED dollars!)

My first car didn't cost nine hundred dollars.

Now...if you're one of those who has chosen a "high-maintenance breed" such as a doberman,
rott or great dane you're also looking at tail and ear cropping. Let me just say here that you are the scourge of all dog owners. To put an animal through this cruel and traumatic event so it "looks" better is, without question, the most inhumane things you can ever do to an animal. If it weren't illegal, I'd drag you into a field somewhere with a steak knife and show you exactly what that poor dog is going through.

*collecting myself*

THAT being's another $300 for ears and/or tail. This of course does NOT take into consideration the costs that come up if they're not done correctly and have to be fixed. Easily add another $600.

So you owners of the high-maintenance breeds have now shelled out $1800 for a dog. A dog that digs through the litter box when you're gone.

I can feel my heart rate racing right now. I'm angry. I really am. I didn't realize just how passionate I am about this issue until I began this blog. I need to breathe...before I go ballistic.

*insert break here*

Meet Lucky.

This is my (at best guess) labrador/border collie mix. In 2005, this dog was stranded in Houma, Louisiana for at least twenty-one days in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. He went without food and was forced to drink flood water in order to survive. I don't know much about what his former family was like, nor do I know what his living conditions were like before the storm. What I do know, is that somebody found him lovable. He doesn't have AKC registrations and I doubt even his original owners could tell you what his bloodline looks like. But he is the most amazing dog I've ever owned.

You can tell in his eyes that all he wants is love, acceptance and the necessities in life. He wants a warm bed at night, dry from the rain and snow. He wants to be held, petted and played with. In return, he's the most devoted and loyal animal I've ever seen.

Does he drink out of the toilet and eat cat shit?

Yep. But I didn't pay $1800 for my shit-eating, toilet-lapping mutt.

I will save my thoughts on how much better spent that $1,800 would've been at some of the animal shelters for another day. My blood pressure is already high enough. I think I'll go snuggle with my mixed-breed love machine.

Sleep in peace tonight as your dog whines in agony with the tape around his ears, you heartless son of a bitch.