Sunday, September 28, 2008

A lesson taught to some poor unsuspecting teenager last night

Always, ALWAYS double check the number you're calling/texting at 1 in the morning. You never know when you're going to txt somebody who's had a couple too many amaretto & cokes and genuinely enjoys fucking with people.

The following is a conversation that took place last night via text.
(His comments are in italics, mine are in plain font.)

1:02 a.m. R u with alexa?
1:03 a.m. Hell ya. Tylers drillin her!
1:04 a.m. Who is tyler
1:05 a.m. Some random friend of my cousin
1:06 a.m. What are u guys doing
1:07 a.m. I told you. Focus! Where r u?
1:08 a.m. Im just at my house. So whats going on? I thought you were jk?
1:10 a.m. Hell no! I got vid. U should cum over!
1:10 a.m. Lol who is with u?
1:11 a.m. Alexa tyler brittany and john hill
1:12 a.m. Lol and who tha fuck r they
1:13 a.m. My cousin and his buddies
1:15 a.m. So they actually fucked?
1:15 a.m. Dude my bed is a mess!
1:16 a.m. Lol alrite what would we do if i came over
1:17 a.m. What do u want?
1:18 a.m. What
1:19 a.m. I sed what do u wanna do?
1:20 a.m. Idk thats kinda y i asked u

(At this point, I give this kid's number to someone at the party who decides to pose as "Tyler" who txts him and gets out of him that his name is Cody B_____. )

1:21 a.m. Dont be shy cody. just tell me.
1:22 a.m. I dont think this is shannon
1:24 a.m. Y dont u think its me?
1:25 a.m. Cuz u dont act like that
1:26 a.m. I had a couple drinks. Sorry. Do u still like me?
1:28 a.m. since when do u drink
1:29 a.m. It was wine. Is that bad?
1:30 a.m. Lol that is nothing! How r u any drunk at all
1:31 a.m. I'm jk. Just acting tarded.

(At this point, there are now TWO additional people txting him, one of which has just told him that she's chained to the bed in a skimpy costume with handcuffs & whips & chains.)

1:32 a.m. Those ppl keep fucking txting me and their talking about whips and shit lol
1:33 a.m. Ignore em. There dumb.

(One friend can no longer help herself, so she calls Cody acting COMPLETELY insanely - telling him that she's heartbroken because she bought a costume that he asked her to buy and she ended up being handcuffed to her own bed for an hour because she lost the key and had to call a locksmith. The charade continues for a good length of time, all the while, fifteen of us are absolutely ROLLING on the floor laughing our asses off at this kid who has YET to catch on that he's NOT talking to Shannon. LMAO!)

1:39 a.m. Whoa..
1:40 a.m. Dude. Wtf?
1:41 a.m. They just called me and i swear that bitch is possesed!
1:42 a.m. Alexa and me r leaving soon. Shes a freak.
1:43 a.m. Who is
1:43 a.m. Brittany is. The one that called u.
1:44 a.m. Where r u
1:45 a.m. My cousins house
1:45 a.m. Where is that
1:47 a.m. Ames
1:48 a.m. Where r u going 2. And how was i gona get there
1:50 a.m. Ummm ur car?
1:51 a.m. There is no fucking way i'm driving 2 ames and where are u going
1:53 a.m. Gonna call my mom. I think sumbody put something in my drink. i cant drive.
1:55 a.m. Extasy! Lol jk
1:55 a.m. Dude i know! Lol
2:01 a.m. If u go 2 the old middle ill sneak out but if u dont i wont
2:02 a.m. No. Gotta go home or im dead. ttyt k?
2:03 a.m. k
2:04 a.m. btw sorry my cuz and her friends r lame. We still cool?
2:04 a.m. Lol of course
2:05 a.m. Cool. Nite! Muah.

I retire for the game of "Txt me at 1 in the morning and you get what you deserve" has been concluded for the night. I slept well.

This morning I received this:

11:43 a.m. Alexa said she wasnt with u last nite

No shit, Sherlock?