Sunday, January 1, 2023

2023 Intentions

While I've written down my intentions for the last several years, I haven't posted them online. I'm hoping that by doing so, it will help me complete them. There's an accountability factor involved by doing this. Not that a lot of people are reading my blogs these days (I haven't written many, so it's understandable my readers have dwindled), but I hope to improve that, too.

I'm posting these intentions in a general sense, but in my journal, I have added numerous things I can/should do to help me achieve these intentions. I am not sharing those details, but know that they're in place so my success will be more likely.

  • Take better care of my health
  • Develop a workout routine
  • Be the author I know I am
  • Travel more
  • Improve my relationships
  • Become a better homemaker
  • Improve finances and credit
  • MORE SELF CARE!!!
  • Be more gentle on myself

I begin today. Wish me luck!

Thursday, June 9, 2022

HELP NEEDED

**HELP NEEDED FOR MY BESTIE**

If you so feel inclined (and I hope you do), she has these apps available for donations: 
Venmo: @danceintheam 
CashApp: $danceintheam 
PayPal: virgo1rising@yahoo.com (that's virgo(one)rising)


Many, if not most of you, know my bestie, AnnMarie Schuler. Usually this time of year, she's running a dance studio in Texas. But this year, she's in Iowa with her beautiful, brave daughter, "Rabbit", otherwise known as Mya. Mya turned 21 just days before she was diagnosed with Stage III Hodgkin's Lyphoma, (possibly stage IV, depending on pending test results). 

 If any of you know Ann Marie, you know that she is an independent, determined woman who doesn't ask for help. Which is why I'm doing the asking. 

Treatment, the way it looks at this moment will involve chemotherapy every two weeks for the next six months. This means Ann Marie flying back and forth between Texas and Iowa for treatments. This is not something she can afford to do and still manage her regular living expenses. Mya's brother Brandon will also be traveling to Iowa City from Chicago to help. 

She will need our help for airfare (Allegiant) and car rental (Enterprise). She flies into Des Moines, then drives the 90 minutes to Iowa City where Mya lives and will be receiving treatments. Meals and food expenses are also a concern. In speaking with AM, she and I agree that going through a fundraising source is not the best option thanks to fees and timing. I'd like her to have money accessible whenever possible and not have to wait on bank transfers, etc. 


Again, if you're able to help at all, she has these apps available for donations.: 
Venmo: @danceintheam 
CashApp: $danceintheam 
PayPal: virgo1rising@yahoo.com (that's virgo(one)rising)

If you have any questions, please direct them my way. Ann Marie has plenty to deal with, though she wants to make sure you all understand how grateful she is for the help many of you have offered already.









Wednesday, February 2, 2022

What Comes Next

 

Like most of you, I’ve spent the last two years avoiding people, masking up, and doing a lot of self-care. What I haven’t been doing, though, is writing much.

That changes now.

I’m spending these days on my current work-in-progress that will have you laughing and crying throughout the whole story. Follow Emily and her best friend (and sidekick) as they check off adventures from their bucket lists. Shenanigans are inevitable, but what else is in store for them?

This book comes from the heart of who I am and will pull you in to what makes true friendships last. Stay tuned for What Comes Next!

Friday, May 29, 2020

It's a Hate Thing

Dear Americans,

I've got a rant to get off my chest. I've spent the better part of the last two hours writing it, so you may want to get something to drink and a comfortable place to read. You know I can be verbose, so don't act like I didn't warn you. Also, for those who don't know me, I am a white woman in the heartland, born and raised.

*cracks knuckles* 

Here goes: 

Black people are enraged, and white people should be, too. And, NO, Karen...not because Target's getting looted. Centuries filled with oppression, injustice, and violence have taken their toll. Meanwhile, we sit in our white privilege, hash-tagging and reposting memes about stopping racism. That shit ain't gonna cut it. We're gonna have to get off our asses and ACT. 

The KKK and other White Supremacy groups are recruiting in every single state in this country (yes, even yours). They've got this protesting shit down to a science, y'all and nobody in this country is stopping them. Even the president endorses their behavior, for fucks sake! When was the last time anti-racist allies stormed a KKK rally? We *HAVE* to infiltrate these organizations and stop them from the inside. We have to vote for political & judicial leaders (locally and nationally) who aren't afraid to pass & enforce stricter laws fighting racist brutality, and we need to clean out our law enforcement agencies and replace the good ol' boys with honorable men & women of the law. We have to speak up. We have to step in. We have to GET FUCKING INVOLVED!!!

Well, what can I do to fight racism and help my friends of color; I'm white, remember? 



Let me state that I DO NOT CONDONE the crimes being committed. HOWEVER, I understand WHY they're happening. 

People of color have EVERY right to protest the meaningless death of yet another black man at the hands of a police officer. There is no reason for racially-biased violence in this country. It's 2020, for God's sake!. I support their right to be heard and seen - not necessarily the means in which they're doing it, but I can certainly understand the anger, pain, and fear black people must be feeling to get to this point where rioting and looting feel like the only options left. 

But let me remind you of something. When Colin Kaepernick took a knee during the National Anthem, this country lost its ever-lovin' mind. He was peacefully protesting the violence and brutality against blacks by law enforcement. He didn't yell. He didn't speak at all when he was on that knee. And this country went insane, calling him names, accusing him of being unpatriotic and spitting in the face of our military men & women, accusing him of being racist against whites...you name it, y'all did it. He kneeled. We got angry. He got fired. Whitey wins. 

Peaceful protest didn't do shit.

"So what WILL get people's attention?" they wonder. Breaking shit and burning the city down certainly got our attention. But again. We got angry. They're getting arrested. Congratulations, white folks. We win this round, too. *insert eye roll here*

Black people and other POC march in protest, create organizations to improve race relations, and find their voices online and otherwise to try and FINALLY break down this centuries-old race war. They know what needs to be done to make a change, but racist voting demographics screw them out of that option, too. Guess who wins this one?

Some assholes want a White History month. Um, hey Virgil? EVERY month is white history month, you fucking idiot. Think about it...if you've ever sat through any American history class since the dawn of time, you've experienced all the "White History" a person can learn. Our textbooks barely touch on anything to do with race or black history, unless it's regarding the civil war. Even then, there may be two or three pages, at the most, about how slaves were bought, sold and "mistreated". You won't read about the tortures, rapes, beatings,  hangings, and other violence that went on. The historians who write these books white wash it. Literally. You want to read about the OTHER side of history NOT being taught in textbooks? Pick up the book called "Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl". It changed my life. And if it doesn't change yours, you're part of the problem. EDUCATE YOURSELF! There are thousands of books like "Twelve Years a Slave," "Narrative of Sojourner Truth," and "Up From Slavery: An Autobiography." Read them. LEARN the horrors that people of color dealt with during those and other times. When they talk about the horrors that went on, imagine your 10 year old self being sold to someone in another country for the sole purpose of being raped. Every day. For most of your life. Picture yourself in their place, being branded like an animal, getting whipped with a leather strap, knowing your children will face the same fate; that is, if they're not ripped from your arms and sold to the highest bidder at auction instead. Step ahead in history a little bit and research everything you can about the movement Martin Luther King, Jr. started. Watch the video of his "I Have a Dream" speech. Read his autobiography. While you're at it, learn a little bit about Apartheid; pick up Nelson Mandela's "Long Walk to Freedom." EDUCATE YOURSELF! When you shake with rage at the injustice spanning centuries, only then will you begin to get the slightest glimpse into what it means to be black in this country in 2020.

Let's talk about white people now. I want to remind you of some of the riots throughout history that were started or encouraged by (mostly) white people. We can't act like it's only blacks doing reckless and criminal shit here, people. 

One word: SPORTS. So many white people riot, loot and set shit on fire when their favorite professional sports team wins a championship. WINS?! Philadelphia went ape shit when the Eagles won the Super Bowl in 2018. Vancouver was trashed because the Canucks lost the Stanley Cup in 2011...and they're fucking Canadian! Detroit rioted twice: when the Pistons won in 1990 (killing TWELVE people, including four children), and again back in 1984 when the Tigers won the World Series. Only one person was killed, but there were 9 rapes and over 80 injuries. Boston lost their collective shit four times: twice in 2004 when the won the playoffs after beating the Yankees (one person died) and again a week later when they beat the Cardinals in the World Series; 2007 World Series when they won again against the Rockies; and again in 2013 after their win against the Cards. Chicago lost their minds when MJ led the Bulls to three years of championships. 1991, 1992, and again in 1993 when two people died. Denver lit up their city four times: 1996 & 2001 (Avalanche Stanley Cup wins) and 1998 & '99 with Bronco Super Bowl wins. Cleveland rioted when the Indians offered a 10¢ beer night. They ransacked the field and stole all kinds of stuff. LA and San Francisco have rioted too....so many cities. Over a fucking sporting event. Are you KIDDING me?!

Think for a little while about all the protests and riots white folks led during prohibition times, the labor disputes & workforce strikes, the hell that broke out during the Red Summer riots of 1919 (Google it - eye-opening!.), political protests that pit white people and people of color against each other, and of course all the anti-war protests that have been going on for ages. Don't forget the media's impact on racism, either. During the Hurricane Katrina aftermath in New Orleans in 2005, there were pictures of blacks and whites alike searching homes and businesses for food and supplies. The captions for blacks said things like "NOLA residents break down windows and doors, looting homes and businesses!" Yet for the pictures of white folks, the captions were more like "Dad finds much needed supplies for his family in vacated homes and neighborhood stores". 

Knock that shit off, white people!

I could go on and on throughout history of the riots that white people have initiated for the most ridiculous reasons. And what I've listed doesn't even touch on the thousands of race riots that go back to the 1800's, all initiated by racist whites. Oh! Don't forget Apartheid!

White people throughout history have been FAR more destructive than any other race has ever been.

Oh, don't think I forgot. Michigan State Capitol.. Surely you all saw all the pictures & news stories about the self-entitled, narcissistic, I-don't-wanna-wear-a-mask assholes in Michigan who stormed the state capitol building with assault weapons, hand guns, and even an axe, all because they didn't want to follow life-saving precautions for a few more weeks. Talk about terrorism! And no arrests. What? Seriously, not a SINGLE person was arrested. Go look up the photos and videos of the scene. And instead of seeing 200+ white people storming the capitol, imagine a group of 200+black people in their place instead. That day would have become known as the Michigan Massacre. If half the crowd didn't get mowed down by police gunfire, you can bet every damn one of them would have been arrested. That, my friends, is white privilege.

ThAt'S bUlLsHiT! i'M nOt PrIvIlEgEd! 

Yes, you are. 
No, really...you are. 
Grew up poor? Sorry, pal. You still have privilege. 
Busted your ass to get through school? Privilege. 
Grew up with black people, you know all about their struggle? Nope. 
Your privilege is showing, honey.

It's time we ALL acknowledge and ACCEPT the privilege we're born with as white people. We didn't ask for it. We can't get rid of it. I can't speak for everyone, but I know I didn't want it; I MUCH prefer equality, thankyouverymuch! I wish it wasn't even a thing,  But it is. we have it and it's our responsibility to use it for the betterment of equality for people of color and other minorities. 

Stop being hateful. Period. It's not a black thing. It's not a white thing. It's a HATE thing.

Should I continue, or do you get the fucking point yet??

P.S. If you come at me with any passive-aggressive racist shit, black-on-black-crime statistics, or attempts to justify violence against blacks,, I will wipe the floor with you.  

Friday, July 12, 2019

Funk

Whether you know me personally or just get glimpses of me online, it's no secret that depression and anxiety have followed me my whole life. I've dealt with multiple traumatic events in my life, least of which were becoming orphaned by both my parents before age 16. My divorce was a rebirth of sorts; it was the marriage that was traumatic. But even worse than the trauma, it seems, is the boredom that comes with complacency.

Our home is paid for, so are the cars. We have living expenses, a couple of credit cards and some medical bills. But for the most part, we don't have any giant stressors. Even our jobs are fairly stress-free. Our children are grown and our animals have entered their late golden years. We're still years away from retirement. To say that our lives have melded into a comfortable routine would be an understatement.

But the thing is, it's not comfortable. It's boring. I go to bed. I get up. I work. I clean. I go to bed. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

I have zero initiative to do anything. Be anywhere. See anyone. I have no reason to get out of bed every day. I have nothing to look forward to. No "count downs" to something fun.

Most of all, I'm lonely. I miss long chat sessions with my bestie. I miss our road trips and shenanigans. I miss her optimism, her way of turning even the worst situation into something laughable. Aside from her, I miss just being in the company of other women who get me. I miss lingering over a long dinner. Or going for a drive and discussing the deep shit. I miss that sisterhood that comes from being in the presence of women.

I'm not sure what I need to get out of this funk. I'm open to ideas, although if it involves exercise or working more, I will ignore you.

Friday, May 17, 2019

Nolite te bastardes carborundorum

I've been purposefully avoiding posting about politics on my feed for a few months now. I'll comment here or there, but overall, I've tried to refrain. But these abortion bans have me FURIOUS, and I can't remain silent anymore. I WON'T. Consider this your only warning that I will be loud and I will be vulgar when necessary. I'm done with this misogynistic bullshit.


This is not about fetuses or babies or heartbeats. This is about women's rights. This is about MEN deciding what's best for WOMEN they don't know, and more importantly don't give two shits about.

Do you remember the 60s, before Roe v. Wade? Do you remember the number of women who were injured or lost their lives because of back alley abortions? Do you remember the number who became sterile because PROPER health care was not administered? DO YOU FUCKING REMEMBER?!?!?! Well, pay attention because history is about to repeat itself and you pro-lifers will have a court-side seat for the hell that's about to be unleashed with these bans.

Don't come at me with fetus rights. Don't argue with me about the life of the child. If you're not PERSONALLY supporting, adopting, or funding the lives of these children (EVERY child) who will be born into situations where they are unwanted, ill-prepared for, or otherwise, incapable of being cared for, then you have NO case whatsoever with me or anyone else. Unless you have stood at the doors of Planned Parenthood and given a check to a woman seeking an abortion so she can raise the fetus she's choosing to abort, then get the fuck out of my face.



I'm done with all the bleeding heart shit for unborn babies when children are DYING in immigration camps at our borders, when thousands are being ignored in the foster systems, when THOUSANDS upon THOUSANDS of children are being neglected, abused, and trafficked because evangelicals care more about a mass of cells than they do about living human beings who actually DO need help. And save us both the argument about "well, if you hadn't had sex..." YOU stop having sex. Tell your husbands & boyfriends "Nope. Sorry. No more sex." Why? Because the thought of you raising another generation of anti-feminist misanthropes makes me want to kill myself.

You want to save kids? Raise funding for welfare systems, schools, and mental health so these kids who are born into broken homes with broken families can still move on to be successful in life and not repeat the same habits of their parents. Step up and foster a child. Better yet, ADOPT. Adopt them all! Because until something is done about the kids already here, nothing can be done about the ones who aren't.


This real-life Gilead shit is RIDICULOUS! I've been married for 19 years and not even my HUSBAND has autonomy over what goes on with my body. That right is MINE and MINE alone. If I choose to donate an organ, I have to have my decision in writing, signed by me, and witnessed by a third party notary. So why are people making decisions about MY BODY and the bodies of OTHER WOMEN without our consent? Nobody gets to take my blood without me saying it's okay and that's something that replenishes itself quickly. So why the hell does someone else have the right to decide that another person must be burdened with carrying a child and then be shackled with the burden of raising that child or sending it to a broken foster system in the hopes that if he or she isn't abused, neglected, or sexually assaulted before they find their forever home?

If it's not your body and it's not your baby, then STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THE DECISION-MAKING!!!

I will NEVER stop standing up for the rights of women, and this is one of those rights. It always has been. I've kept silent for too long, and to the women I've let down because of that, I am SORRY. I am so sorry that I didn't stand with you at the Capital, or march with you in Washington. I have let you down and that will not happen again. I will argue on your behalf. I will fight for our rights as a gender. I will take whatever steps necessary until our rights are equal to that of men, especially those in suits up on the hill making decisions about OUR lives and OUR bodies.

2019 will NOT go down as the Year of the Patriarchy. You thought I was a feminist before? Watch me now.

Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.


Tuesday, March 12, 2019

Treading water

They say there's no such thing as a nervous breakdown. I call bullshit, but whatever.

As you know, I've been battling depression and anxiety since I was a young child. The first anxiety attack I can remember was when I was four. It peaked when I was in 5th grade and missed nine entire weeks of school - not all at once, but a day here, a couple days there. Forty-five days! I don't know how DHS wasn't called on my mom for allowing it to happen. Depression hit me in my teens and stuck around until my mid-twenties. It came and went over the last 15 years, but in recent years, it's been almost unbearable. I stopped seeing my therapist over six years ago because we both felt I was doing okay enough with my progress to do so. I've maintained my medicine regimen and have stayed pretty consistent in doing self-care. The Lyme has messed with me at times and I have forgotten meds a few times, but overall, I've done pretty well.

Unfortunately, as many may know, the body can sometimes stop responding to medication as it once did, or changes can happen in a person's dynamic to really throw things off or stretch the boundaries designed to keep control. And that's where I find myself: outside the lines.

I am not doing well.



I'm in the middle of the ocean. And my head is above water; I'm not drowning. I've swallowed a little water, but overall, I'm still swimming. Except I'm not. I'm not going anywhere. I'm just treading water. And normally, that's not all bad. Except I've been treading water for a LONG damn time. My body is tired and I'm not moving in any direction at all. I'm a buoy. I think part of me could pull the energy together to swim toward shore, except I don't see it anymore. I don't see land anywhere. So I'm stuck where I am. And I know I can't continue treading water forever. Who would even want to? I have to get out of the water. I just have to find the shore.

So, I'm swimming that way. I'm slow and waterlogged, but at some point soon, I will find dry land. I have an appointment in a couple of days with a therapist. And I'm sure a med change is in the cards, too, which I'm not looking forward to, but I have to get better.

Please, if you're treading water too - reach out. Talk to family and friends. Talk to a doctor, a therapist, a counselor, a teacher, a preacher, whomever. Get help. It's out there, I promise. You do NOT need to be ready to kill yourself to reach out to someone or to contact a crisis center.

Crisis hotline: (US) 800-273-8255 (Canada) 833-456-4566

If you have anxiety and can't work up the courage to speak to someone, there's also help available via text message. I've used the service and they're very helpful.

In the US, text "Home" to 741741. 
In Canada, text "Home" to 686868.


Saturday, October 20, 2018

...Fire Burn and Cauldron Bubble

I'm a kind person with good intentions. I'll do anything for anyone in need. Anyone who really knows me, knows that. I may act tough sometimes and pretend that things don't get to me, but I'm human and I have the whole gamut of human emotions: good, bad and ugly. And right now, I'm hurt and angry.

I was reminded this morning why I don't trust people -- reminded that not everyone has good intentions. In fact, some folks can have very manipulative, dick-headed intentions. I reacted accordingly and cut about 100 people off my friends list - not because they're bad people (they're probably not), but because I don't know them as well as I should for them to be on my friends list. I wanted to be diplomatic and for some stupid reason, I let my guard down. I won't make that mistake again. If you're seeing this, it's because I trust you. And, of all the gifts I can give you, my trust is the most valuable.

I was very clear a few months ago that I'm as real as it gets. I don't pretend, I don't "fake" anything to fit in, and I will not hide parts of my self to make others more comfortable. That's not my responsibility. My responsibility is to take care of myself, my husband, and my family, which I have done successfully for 44 years. I love my job and I'm good at it. I'm a consummate professional at work, and I respect everyone who comes into my building and with whom I interact in my line of work. Anyone I've worked with can attest to this. I am always mindful of the varying religions of those who come through our doors, and to imply otherwise is insulting. I don't have to be Christian to respect your faith - respect is the cornerstone of the moral compass, and one I take very seriously. That being said, do not mistake my professionalism for weakness, and don't fuck with my livelihood.

I'm a smart, competent woman, and I won't back down; I wasn't raised that way. I come from a long bloodline of strong women, and I have spent my life surrounding myself with them. This isn't 1692, and I refuse to burn.

@Victoria Frances

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Can you suggest...in NYC?

Manhattan from the Staten Island Ferry
New York City is my favorite city in the world. Nothing will give you more culture, more inspiration, or more personality than this city. It’s smelly, crowded, dirty, and everything goes at 110mph almost all the time, but it’s where my heart is. I love it.

Because my friends know how much I love it and how frequently I've visited, they often come to me for advice on what to do, where to go, how to get around, where to stay, etc. Each time, I write up a message with a handful of suggestions, but inevitably I forget something and have to send them more messages as I remember. I am hoping this post will alleviate those messages.

Here are my suggestions for visiting NYC, based on my OWN experiences. Keep in mind, my experiences aren't yours or even a precursor to what yours will be. It's just what I've learned on my travels there.

Sights to see

Empire State Building, Top of the Rock/Rockefeller Plaza, Statue of Liberty, High Line, Stonewall Inn, Coney Island, Brooklyn Bridge, Central Park, Times Square, Grand Central Station, World Trade Center/Ground Zero, Battery Park...and so many others!

Empire State Building


Rockefeller Center/Top of the Rock
You have two options for Empire State Building. One is to visit the building itself, OR...you can view it from Top of the Rock. Both buildings cost about the same for the tour, but I personally enjoyed the Rock better than ESB because I could actually see the ESB when I was at the Rock. Got great pictures there, too. The key to both is to visit at times that aren't busy. I've visited both of them around 10pm or later. I'm pretty sure they both have options to do a double-trip - one in the morning, one at night so you can see daytime and nighttime views, but check the websites to find out for sure. It’s SUPER windy at the top, so make sure you hang onto scarves and loose clothing. Top of the Rock is right on top of Rockefeller Plaza – shops, restaurants and people watching. There are also tours of Radio City Music Hall nearby, NBC studios (incl Saturday Night Live, Jimmy Fallon, etc.).





Bethesda Fountain, Central Park
Central Park is a given sight to see, but be cautious. Most of it is safe, but there are parts that aren't as you get a little further north in the park. I've kept close to the south end of the park and I've also visited Strawberry Fields, which is on the west end by 72nd, which isn’t far from the Dakota (John & Yoko Lennon’s residence). It’s also near legendary Tavern on the Green I personally prefer 72nd and then walk east and south from there to see the carousel, the pond, the lake, Bethesda Fountain, Bow Bridge, and some of the other familiar sights you’ve seen in TV and movies. Belvedere Castle is further north (up near 79th). I haven’t been there, but it’s a popular spot, too. You can also get a good view of the nearby skylines from the lake/Bow Bridge. Near the SE corner of the park is the Plaza Hotel. It’s between 58th & 59th just off 5th Ave. and You won't be far from Tiffany, Louis Vuitton, Bergdorf’s and a few other choice shopping areas. 5th Avenue Shopping has its attraction, but if you really want something authentically New York, boutique shops are the best option. There are independent designers and shop owners who find unique, inventive things and there’s literally a shop for anything you could possibly want. Google is your friend. Oh, one last thing about Central Park: I think they still give horse & carriage rides (SE corner of the park across from the Plaza). It can be pricey, though, as are the pedicabs. And Central Park is absolutely ENORMOUS, so unless you spend the whole trip just at the park, you probably won't get to see more than a small portion of it. Personally, I enjoy a walk through the park, but it's my least favorite part of the city. I'd rather be on the streets or at a cafe or something.




Times Square (TSQ) is also beautiful, but INSANELY crowded most of the time. Lots of street peddlers there, too - either they're trying to give you comedy show tickets, their demo cd, selling pictures with Muppets or super heroes or some other shit. I can't stand any of it, but until you really experience TSQ, it's hard to stay away. This is where you'll find trusty chain restaurants like Olive Garden, TGIFridays, Sbarro, etc. My advice is to go later in the evening after the shows start. The streets are less crowded after 8 or 9. There can be some really cool street art vendors if you're into that sort of thing. And there are a lot of cops around, so it tends to be pretty safe, but I'd still recommend keeping your stuff in a crossover bag under a jacket, tucked close to you.

The view of Manhattan from the Brooklyn Esplanade
I have been to NYC 7 times and still haven't been ON the Brooklyn Bridge or visited the Statue of Liberty, but the best way to see both from a distance is by taking the Staten Island Ferry from the southern tip of Manhattan over to SI and back. The ferry is free and I'm 99% sure it runs 24/7, but double check if you're planning on going late at night. You can see the bridge and the statue both from a distance, which was enough for me. I'll eventually visit both at some point, but the ferry is a nice way to get both seen in a short time. You can also get a really nice view of the Brooklyn Bridge from Brooklyn itself. We take the 2/3 subway to Brooklyn Heights (Clark St. station), then walk the three or four blocks west to the Esplanade. You can see the whole downtown Skyline from the esplanade, as well as the Bridge, Governor's Island and a smaller glimpse of the S of Liberty. Great way to knock several sights off your list without a great deal of time or expense.


Grand Central Station, Main Concourse

Grand Central Station is an experience all in itself. There are shops, restaurants, coffee shops, all kinds of beautiful art, etc. at GCS. It can be confusing, though. If you take a subway into Grand Central, sometimes (depending on which subway line you take) can be 3 to 4 stories below ground. Lots of steps. There are elevators, of course, but they’re pretty nasty. Honestly, I'd rather walk or take a cab there and stay above ground, BUT, if you do want to keep it cheaper, there's an express train that goes back and forth from Grand Central to Times Square. It's the 7 train and only runs for five stops. Three of them are in Times Square, one is near the NYC Public Libary (Also a great sight to see, next to Bryant Park), and the final stop at GCS. The Chrysler Building is just a couple blocks east of GCS, and the United Nations is just a few more blocks east from there if that interests you.

Battery Park (South edge of Manhattan) is a beautiful area and offers some great views of Ellis Island, and the Statue of Liberty. It's also a very brief walk from Ground Zero/World Trade Center.

The North fountain in Memorial Park, World Trade Center

The 9-11 Museum and the surrounding areas are incredible. The museum itself can be pretty overwhelming emotionally, though. Nate and I visited it 3 years ago, but I don't care to go again. It was too much for me. The memorial fountains are gorgeous, as are nearby landmarks like Trinity Church. Be advised, there are a lot of vendors here, too, selling books and memorabilia for and about 9-11.


Some folks will tell you to visit Penn Station/Port Authority. Those folks have never f*cking been to Penn Station. It is a NIGHTMARE. If you've ever witnessed the frenzy of a koi pond when you throw food into the water and the fish literally eat at each other to get to it, then you've witnessed almost everything that Penn Station can show you. It's a main hub for commuters and 3 of the major subways in NYC. It's also right next to Madison Square Garden, which makes it a pretty popular travel destination for NYers, too. I despise it. It's a major stop for the 1, 2 and 3 trains along the west side of Manhattan. If you have to go anywhere around that area, I would honestly get off at the 1-train stop just south of there and walk back to wherever you need to go. Or, you can avoid it altogether and take the A, C or E train that runs just one block west of there. Sorry for sounding dismal, but Penn is truly the worst thing that NYC has to offer the world, in my opinion. The musicians photographed above are the only exception.



Stonewall Inn is in the heart of Greenwich Village and is a national landmark. It's the site of the birth of the Pride movement for the LGBT community. It's surrounded by wonderful shops, bars and cafes, but the community itself is what I love most about the area. Catch a drag or burlesque show, get a drink and take in the culture.

I've never been to Coney Island, but from what I understand, the area can be a little rough, so just be alert. Cab or car service will probably be your easiest option to get there, but they're expensive, probably $50+ each way. The subway is DEFINITELY cheaper, but can be a little tricky with transfers and schedules. Worst case scenario, if you get turned around, you can always go to ground level and hail a cab. Here's a link if you want to try it. http://traveltips.usatoday.com/coney-island-subway-11833.html

I’ve also never been to any of the museums, but obviously, they’re remarkable. For me, I just don’t want to spend 3-4 hours at a museum when there’s still so many other incredible things to do in NYC. I love art & science, but it’s unlikely I’d go unless I had light plans for the trip and could spend my time perusing. If this is your thing, though, there are often discount/free/pay what you wish days or times to visit. https://www.nyc-arts.org/collections/35/free-museum-days-or-pay-what-you-wish

Another thing I've missed so far is the High Line trail. The High Line, running along the western edge of Chelsea, was once a train line, but has since been turned into a park walkway above the sidewalk hustle and bustle. There are tours you can take, or just stroll it yourself. Beautiful boardwalks with natural plant life is a wonderful reprieve from the steel and concrete that covers so much of Manhattan.


Transportation


My biggest trip for traveling in NYC is to skip the cabs and utilize the trains as much as possible. For the areas you want to travel, they're safe, even later at night, but obviously, stay alert and aware of where you are. I have a laminated map of streets & train lines that I bought for my first trip and I have packed it for every trip since then. You'll want the most updated version of the map as sometimes stations close or relocate and when you're underground, it's tough sometimes to navigate directions. It's called "Streetwise Manhattan" and you should be able to buy one at streetwisemaps.com for a few bucks. Make sure it's the laminated one, though. It folds up easily and tucks inside a purse or bag easily. It has the train stops as well as a majority of street names. It helps you keep your station stops straight if you take a train from one end of town to the other.




When it comes to the major stops on the North/South routes, uptown trains will be on the east side of the street, downtown trains will be on the west. And pay attention to the train you need. The 1/2/3 line all ride on the same track, but the 1 is the ONLY train that stops at every stop. The 2 and 3 usually just stop at the major stations. This will be more clear once you get the map I mentioned. It can be tricky, but totally manageable even for a first timer. You can pay per trip, but I would suggest getting a 7-day Metro Card. This covers all subways, transfers, and buses throughout the city and the boroughs. 7-day tickets are $32 each, whereas each ride if you buy individually is $2.75 each way. Then, I kinda pay karma forward when I'm done with my trip and give the card to someone on the train when I'm ready to leave town. I let them know I've got X number of days left on the card and they can use it. You don't have to, obviously, but I try to give as much back to New Yorkers as I can when I'm there. It's not an easy city to live in and every free train ride means a lot to them.


If I can't take a train, I call a car service for longer trips (say from the airport into the city.). They tend to be cheaper than cabs - they'll take your CC over the phone, then all you have to do is cash tip. This makes up for time spent stuck in traffic whereas a cab meter is running that whole time. They'll meet you at the airport baggage claim with your name on a little sign, they'll grab your bags off the belt, and carry them for you, as well. After a long flight, this is a welcome service. I've typically stayed in Harlem and there's a service that does a lot of business that either starts or stops in that area. http://www.newharlemcarservice.com/ Since most tourists don’t make Harlem a destination, I'd recommend the "Dial 7" service. https://www.dial7.com/ You can get quotes ahead of time. Car services are almost always ready within minutes to pick you up, so make sure when you order the car, you're ready to go. Busier times can be delayed, of course, but you'll want to be ready before you call. I *think* you can ask for a car service to pick you up at a specific time, too, but it's been a while since I've used them so I can't remember. Obviously Uber and Lyft are options here, too, but I’ve never used those services and don’t know what they cost in NY.


If you want to take taxi cabs, keep in mind, they can be expensive, especially in busy traffic. To save money, you can keep a few tricks in mind. You will want to pay attention to the direction of the one-way streets (and they're almost all one way). If you want to go uptown (north), get on a north-bound street. If you’re going downtown (south), get on a south-bound street. Walking the extra block can save you a few bucks and with several rides, that adds up. Cabs tend to try and rack up fares by taking the busier routes and that one block walk can turn into a four-block turnaround in a cab which equals higher fares. Also, if you take a cab, DO NOT PAY by Credit/Debit card. Thousands of people use cabs every day without issue, but I've had my cards hacked EVERY single time I've been in NYC and this is the only thing consistent with every trip I take. One ride I took cost me over $100 because the swipe strip "didn't work" on the credit card machine and came back with errors twice, so the cabbie took me to an ATM (like six blocks away, AND then back to my destination -- meter running the whole time, of course) to get cash. Well, the ride started out about $20, but by the time the swipes (that were actually working the whole time) went through, the extra time to go to the ATM and the cash I paid (as well as the fee I incurred at the ATM), it was a fortune. The MTA did reimburse me for the swipes, but it took me almost two weeks to straighten it out. Also, make sure you get a receipt for every trip, just in case. Even if you pay cash and the ride was fine, you may forget something in the cab and you'll want to make sure you've got the information to try and track it down later. You can get an estimate of a cab ride here: https://www.taxifarefinder.com/main.php?city=NY . Keep in mind if you cross a bridge or go through a tunnel, there are toll costs. Same goes for most of the interstates. They're not super high (maybe $4-5?), but they can add up.

Also, refer to your map before you flag down a cab so you know exactly where you're going. If you sound like a New Yorker, they'll treat you like one. If you sound like a tourist, they'll treat you like one of those. One of those is about $10-20 cheaper than the other. lol For instance, don't give a specific address for a location. Most things in NY can be referred to by their cross streets and you can walk the half-block to a block to where they are. Let's say you want to visit Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum. The address is 234 W 42nd Street. The cross streets for this address would be on 42nd between 7th & 8th. Give the cabbie the cross streets and you’ll be let off at the corner and walk the half-block to the museum. I know this probably sounds confusing and if you don't want to dick with the hassle of knowing which side of which block to get to, then just tell them the approximate address. Most cabbies know where things are. Don't forget to tip them.

When you fly into NY (LaGuardia is my airport of choice - it's closer to Manhattan and is a cheaper cab/car ride and it's MUCH less hectic than JFK or Newark, in my opinion), ALWAYS always ALWAYS take a registered cab from a cab stand. They're the only "legal" cabs and your fares are regulated by the NYC MTA. Gypsy cabs (the random dudes hanging around by baggage claim asking if you need a ride) can charge whatever they want and they're not regulated by anyone. Danger, Will Robinson! (These are different from the car services who will usually be waiting at baggage claim holding a sign with a name on it. lol The cab stands are easy to find. Just look for ground transportation signs and look for the cab porters. Can't miss the giant lines. Give yourself at least 45 mins to get out of the airport because the lines move quickly, but they're always long.

I love NYC, but my biggest issue with the city is how much time it takes to get places. Cabs are the absolute fastest way, but they're also the most expensive - by a LONG shot. Also, the number of people at these landmarks can be overwhelming so lines are usually long. If you have anxiety, keep that in mind when you visit. I've typically skipped any guided tours, but that's your choice. Obviously, it'll take longer to do things that way, but I'm sure there are numerous things you'd learn about the sights by doing the tours. If you want a more personalized experience, residents of NYC give free, private tour experiences. It’s called Big Apple Greeters and it’s done entirely by resident volunteers: https://bigapplegreeter.org/ I haven’t used the service, but I think it would’ve been incredibly helpful for me the first time or two I went.

Must-have websites:

https://www.nycgo.com/ - this is THE best NYC travel site. They've got hordes of tips, sights, suggestions, etc.

http://www.mta.info/ - subway, train, taxi, and bus info

https://www.taxifarefinder.com/main.php?city=NY – estimating cab fare from anywhere to anywhere


Restaurants/Food

One thing to remember is most refills aren't free in NYC, also? EVERYTHING is expensive, even McDonald's.

Sticky Wings at Dallas BBQ

Dallas BBQ - several locations. Times Square is where we usually go. Plenty of seating, almost never a wait, good food, decent staff, clean bathrooms, and great (huge!) drinks. We always get the sticky wings and cole slaw, but then again, I love buffalo wings more than most people, hence the reason this is a must-stop for me. People watching here is the best you’ll ever find. We witnessed a domestic assault one time! Crazy stuff.


3 Decker - Yorkville (91st and 2nd) Some of THE best food I've ever eaten anywhere, much less NYC. It's got a lot of Greek fare, but serves just about everything you can imagine. They have specials each day, as well as soups of the day. We went on a day where stroganoff was the special and chicken noodle was the soup. Both were fantastic. If you're looking for comfort food, this is the place to go. They're an UES landmark.

Churchwarden Pipes on display at Keens
Keen's Steakhouse – Herald Square. One of the oldest steak houses in NYC. The food here is absolutely exquisite. Lamb chops are divine. Prime rib is enormous. Ambiance is incomparable to anything else you'll find in NYC. keens.com for more history, but suffice it to say, you'll never have a better dining experience in NYC. I strongly recommend the raw oysters. This place is also at the TOP end of most folks’ budgets, or not even in the budget at all. Be prepared for the sticker shock.

Ellen's Stardust Diner (TSQ) - food is overpriced and pretty lousy, but the experience is a must-do in my book. It's always crowded, especially at "normal" meal times, but the wait staff sings and performs throughout the meal. Most of them perform in theatrical productions and work here to pay the bills, so you're getting pretty awesome talent even if the food isn't so great.

Cafe Lalo - UWS W 83rd & Amsterdam - This is the cafe from the "Pride and Prejudice" scene in "You've Got Mail". They've got a good brunch, bright atmosphere (although quite crowded, as most things in NYC are), and great pastries, drinks & coffees. From what I understand, they also have live music pretty often.

Ropa Vieja at Havana Central

Havana Central (midtown)- fantastic Cuban food and one of Nate's must-go's. Great atmosphere and sometimes they have live music, too.

Arriba Arriba - several locations, I prefer 9th & W 51st. - FANTASTIC Mexican food! I usually order something with shrimp - al ajillo? parrilla? I can't remember exactly, but it's a creamy shrimp thing in a tortilla and smothered in creamy sauce or cheese or both. Ask the server. It's fantastic. Their chips and salsa are great, too. I don't do tequila, but friends of mine say the margaritas are to die for and well worth the price.

Cupcake and obligatory glass of milk at Magnolia's

Magnolia Bakery - several locations, I prefer 69th & Columbus on the UWS. Best bakery anywhere I've found. Cupcakes are huge and worth the money. The place is always busy, but they're super friendly. Nothing beats a cupcake and a cold glass of milk when you just want to sit and relax for a few.

John's Pizzeria - several locations. We do TSQ. Fantastic pizza (some of the best in the city), great pasta and really good cocktails. It is usually incredibly busy, though, probably due to location.

Last, but not least, Playwright Tavern. Also in TSQ. Always busy. Always crowded. But FREAKING DELICIOUS! Pricey, of course, as most of NYC is, but really, really good food and a pretty cool atmosphere.

Other recommendations: Carmine's (Italian family style, TSQ), Buceo 95 (tapas, UWS), Pies n' Thighs (soul food, Brooklyn), Galaxy Diner (killer fried chicken & diner food, 9th & 46th), @Nine (Thai, 9th btwn W42nd & 43rd), and New Ivoire (African, Spanish Harlem). I haven't been, but I've heard fantastic things about Alice's Tea Room (there are a few locations). I'm not a big deli person, but word has it from locals that nothing beats Katz' Delicatessen (of When Harry Met Sally fame). Don't be afraid to give food trucks & carts a chance. You can't beat a pretzel in Central Park, or a hot dog or knish from a cart in TSQ. They are quick, relatively cheap (in comparison to everything else) and like with most things NYC: an experience to behold. :)

Where to stay

I have been fortunate enough to stay with friends most of the time, but if you don't have that option, my next choice would be AirBNB https://www.airbnb.com or Vacation Rental by owners: https://www.vrbo.com. Technically, these services are illegal in New York, but that doesn't stop residents from renting out rooms or their entire apartment. I've had incredible experiences with AirBNB and while I know that's often the exception, it's still worth checking out. Make sure to read reviews before booking, though. If there are a lack of reviews, that can be a tip that they're either getting poor reviews that get deleted or they're new to the home rental game and they haven't had many guests. I like this option because it automatically introduces you to a real NY resident who knows the ins and outs of the area regarding good food, safety, and transportation. They won't lead you astray. I've met some great people through this option.

If you must stay in a hotel, stay somewhere close and central to where you'll be spending most of your time. https://www.hotels.com/ can give you accurate reviews as well as candid photos by people who have stayed there, so you'll get a real picture of what the place is like. That's important. Look for Groupon deals or online booking codes to save some money. Hotels can be a little pricey.


Other random tips:

If you want to try and find where celebs are filming TV and movies:
https://www.onlocationvacations.com/ Locations are updated daily. Who knows, maybe you can play a walk-on part!

Always check the hotel beds for bed bugs. It’s more prominent in NYC than any other place. I’ve been fortunate not to have issues, but friends haven’t been as lucky.


Wash your hands CONSTANTLY and/or carry hand sanitizer. Had we done this, Nate wouldn't have had an ER visit with an ebola scare in 2014. No kidding. Haz mat suits and everything. Even then, you'll still probably get sick. NYC is a dirty city, especially where transportation is concerned: vehicles, trains, railings, etc. Baby wipes in the purse couldn't hurt when it comes to wiping down a seat somewhere.

Almost nowhere has a public bathroom, so be prepared to use bathrooms where you eat or shop. Don't ever use a subway bathroom. No matter how bad you have to pee, nothing is worth suffering those. SOooooo gross. NYC streets smell like trash, urine and exhaust (especially in the summer) to begin with, the last thing you want is tangible proof of where those smells come from. lol

You will not have cell phone service if you're in the subways. Steel and concrete are non-penetrable when it comes to cell towers, so you'll want to pay attention to the stops on the train. If you realize that you're going in the wrong direction, get off at the next stop, go above ground and get your surroundings, then ask someone who looks like they know where they're going. Despite rumors, most NYers are happy to help lost tourists. It may be beneficial to get a portable phone charger (or two). Just like there are no public bathrooms, there are no public electrical outlets either and if you're on the go all day, you'll wear through a battery pretty quickly. Charge everything completely every night so you're fully juiced. Nothing is worse than not having GPS in NYC.

And while we’re talking about steel and concrete, let me tell you, that shit gets HOT in the summer. Make sure you’re staying hydrated. Your best bet is to carry a bottle of water with you, but regardless, make sure you’re getting fluids. Between flying, walking, and all the rich food, your ankles will puff up like elephants. I speak from experience.

DO NOT JAYWALK! YOU WILL BE TICKETED!! You can cross at an intersection against a red light (although it's at your own risk. NYers are crazy drivers), but don't cross a street mid-way unless there's a crosswalk (sometimes they'll have them in busy areas).

You will most likely encounter homeless beggars. Don't even make eye contact. They're relentless. Just ignore and keep walking. Let them harass somebody else. I've been in some rough parts of NYC but I've never been scared for my safety. I just mind my own business and keep walking.

No matter what they tell you, nothing you buy on the street is authentic brand name, but they can be pretty convincing knock-offs. The exception is Canal street, although the safety in that area (Chinatown & Little Italy) can be tricky. Personally, it's not worth it to my safety to get a cheap knockoff for me to visit those areas. But, there are some fantastic restaurants in that area, so use your best judgment.

And really, that's the case no matter what you're doing. If it feels off, don't go there. Just be sensible, alert, and aware of your surroundings. Again, I’ve never NOT felt safe in NYC, but I’m also very cautious of my surroundings.

You can haggle prices at souvenir shops sometimes. I bought a suitcase about $20 less than its marked price, but would have never known to ask if I hadn't heard somebody else do it before me. (Also? LEAVE ROOM FOR SOUVENIRS so you don't have to spend money on more luggage at a tourist trap. lol)

You can sometimes get half-price tickets to Broadway shows at the TKTS booth behind the big red steps in TSQ. https://www.tdf.org/nyc/7/TKTS-Overview for more info about the hours, etc.

Waiting in line for the NKOTB Summer Concert Series
(the night before)
Good Morning America and the Today Show are both fun ways to get on TV if you want that experience. You can also check the talk shows and see if there are available tickets. The Today Show also has a summer concert series every Friday, all summer long. If it's a popular artist you really want to see, go early (like 10pm the night before, for instance) to get in line. Again, I speak from experience.

You can see a lot of great celeb comics, along with amateurs, of course, at places like Gotham Club. Many famous comics will do comedy shows during the week to try out new material or promote a show. Sometimes there’s no cover charge but a minimum drink order. I probably have connections for comedy shows, too.

The Love sculpture at 55th & 6th
Take lots of pictures – of important things and of non-important things. Subway signs, the front of a train, the side of a bus, the roof of a taxi, and the random neon everywhere can really give you memorable thoughts of the city when you get home and you’ve forgotten half of what you see. Take pictures of the restaurants you visit and the food you eat, or at the least, write down where you go so you can go there again next time. Be an artist and an explorer, but try to take in everything you’re doing. It goes so quickly. Don’t be afraid to ask someone to take your picture. Contrary to what you see in movies, not everyone will run off with your camera.

Don’t let New York City run you ragged. Everyone in that city is racing to get where they’re going. They can seem rude, but the fact is, they just don’t have time to talk. I always say please and thank you and I always tip well. They may not say anything about it, but I know it’s appreciated. If you are taking your time, though, make sure you stay out of the main part of the sidewalks or walkways.

Enjoy the city, its eclectic people, and incredible architecture. It’s a city like no other. Appreciate New York for being New York. It will love you back.

I
NY


Tuesday, February 13, 2018

"Lent" me your ear, and I'll sing you a song*

The 2018 Lenten season begins tomorrow for those in many Christian faiths. It's a time of fasting, self-sacrifice, forgiveness, and mourning: forty-six days spent reflecting on the past year's actions, sins and losses. Although I was raised in a non-denominational Christian home, we do have numerous Lutherans and Methodists in our family, as well as Catholics. I have often given up things for Lent, but until I became a Pagan, I never really knew why.

My path into Paganism has been one of true enlightening. I've learned more about all faiths as a natural progression from Christianity to Paganism. It was a very conscientious journey for me, and I wanted to make sure that it was what was best for my spirit. Obviously, it isn't for everyone and I respect that. And I thoroughly appreciate those of other faiths who have not pulled me toward what works for them. Thank you!!

Anyway, in learning about the many practices of Paganism, I also wanted to learn about what other religions and faiths practiced. I ventured into Buddism and Hinduism, as well as researching more about the Christian and Catholic faiths. I realized that my beliefs most-closely aligned with Paganism. I found that with all of the organized religions I looked at, I still had many questions that were left unanswered by their holy books and scripture, and when I asked followers of those particular faiths that the generalized response was "pray for answers and they will come". They never did. I needed more, I wanted to learn more. I wanted to know that what I practiced wasn't just an obedient following, but somewhere I could grow and make a difference with my spirituality. Paganism has been that for me.

I don't judge anyone for the God(s) (or Goddesses) they follow, but for me, I have been more at peace than I ever have anywhere else in my life. I feel in control of my life, that I have the ability to influence my fate and the fate of those around me by my actions and mental focus (some may call this prayer), and I feel more connected to my spirit than with anything else I've ever done. I loved being part of our various church families, don't get me wrong. I enjoyed my time spent in Sunday School and on praise team, but I still felt very...isolated...like in some way (or many ways), I wasn't measuring up as a "good Christian". I always felt like I was falling short. I don't feel that now.

As Lent begins for so many of you tomorrow, I will be focusing more on my own faith and my Craft. With me being Pagan, there isn't a weekly service I attend or specific bible I study that strengthens my beliefs or my practices. There are no radio stations dedicated to my appreciation of the earth or stars. And I don't have a priest or pastor to confess my shortcomings to. It's on me to learn more, pray more, think more, and do more with my spirituality. So, while you won't see me with an ash cross on my forehead tomorrow, I do hope you'll send kind thoughts and prayers as I, like many of you, head into a time of renewal and rejuvenation.

Happy Lenten season to those who practice, and for the rest of you, enjoy your Wednesday!

*I apologize for the lame, tongue-in-cheek title. It was the best I could come up with after a long, busy day.